You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
