There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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