come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
