Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize