Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
