I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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