So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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