Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
So squirting runs in the family.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
All the doctor said was why
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
