Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i think my mom watched the whole time
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
