So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
