im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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