You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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