Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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