when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
where does the pee come out of this thing
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
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