if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize