.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
