i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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