This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
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