At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
