If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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