then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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