I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
