you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
My dick has a subreddit
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
