I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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