It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
