I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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