I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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