i don't like sucking hair
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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