awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize