roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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