Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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