While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
