I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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