Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
