at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
