Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
