but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
