Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Randomize
