How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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