is wine microwaveable?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize