I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
