He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
