remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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