Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
