my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
