I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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