I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
