hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
