Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
