first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
