My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
