one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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