just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
