There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize