You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
