took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
