I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
