I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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