I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
