Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
