I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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