Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Apparently you make a good broom.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
