My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
