Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize