I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
