dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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