Kiss
Puke
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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