Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
