he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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