Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
