im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
