He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
