Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
