I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
