my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
cat food counts as protein by the way
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
