just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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