I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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