is your mom at the bar?
he thought i was a dude.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
