I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
