Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
