that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Randomize