dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
