chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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