Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
