Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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