I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
