Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
