whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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