Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
