Need sex. Gaining weight.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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