I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
