Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
