dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
