im so drunk with asians
where?
always
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
