Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
