shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
