New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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