We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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